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And we fall, as if we never even mattered.

February 3, 2010

So, it’s no secret that I’m crazy about NYEG, and getting crazier about him by the second.

This generally looks like him sending me a ridiculously mushy text, such as “I woke up today really wishing you were next to me,” and me giggling for a few seconds and then smiling like an idiot for, oh, the next hour. Yesterday during a departmental meeting, I kept beaming at my boss, and she kept looking back at me curiously, as if to say, “I’ve never seen you this excited about company procedures and processes.”

Needless to say, our weekend together was lovely. I haven’t wanted to blog about it because I knew that anything I wrote about it would inevitably resemble one of the ridiculously mushy texts I send in reply to his ridiculously mushy texts, such as “I get butterflies when I think about seeing you.” Or the phone conversations we have each night that last at least an hour, as we outline our respective days, with intermittent “I can’t wait to see you”s and “I miss you”s spread throughout.

Yep. Pretty mushy.

He pointed out Monday night that we’ve known each other for exactly a month, but it feels as though it’s been much, much longer than that. Though I suppose that’s because it was only a couple of months ago that I had planned to be alone for a long time, if not forever. That I had begun to realize that there was a large chance I’d never fall in love again. That I had begun to be okay with that, because at least it had happened for me once.

And then I met NYEG.

Because my last significant relationship was with a married man while I, myself, was married, my standards of what’s expected in a relationship seem to have been dramatically lowered, which has apparently resulted in an uncommonly high amount of infatuation, mixed in with sporadic bouts of ecstasy, all brought on by the simplest expressions of affection and care. In short, I’m not hard to please.

When all the drama about our relationship first exploded with BFF and BFF’s Sister, NYEG proposed that we date in secret until everything blew over. I said that was certainly an option, but has he ever had a secret relationship? Because they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. Especially if you happen to fall in love with your secret, because when you fall in love with someone, you inevitably want to tell the world about it. Or at least the ones close to you. And not being able to is, well, very painful. To say the least. I told him that I would have a secret relationship with him if I weren’t interested in falling in love with him. He replied that he wouldn’t date me if he weren’t interested in falling in love with me.

I had so wanted to have a healthy relationship, free of lies and guilt and hurt, after my last two (simultaneous) dysfunctional ones. And now it seems we’ve managed to move through the drama, and I am experiencing exactly that, a healthy relationship that’s budding with intimacy and honesty and openness and trust and respect and a good amount of giddiness, for the first time, well, ever.

He calls when he says he will. In fact, he calls/texts me whenever he wants. I call/text him whenever I want. He listens to me. REALLY listens to me. He remembers the things I say. He gives me his undivided attention. He talks to me until I say I have to go. He stays with me until I say he has to go. We don’t have to keep our feelings for each other a secret. We don’t have to lie to others about our relationship. We don’t have to lie to ourselves. When we want to see each other, we make it happen. We don’t have to wish. Or imagine.

And, mostly, I can write all I want about how incredibly smitten I am, how I feel as though I’m falling with my arms spread out wide and my head tilted to the sky, my only concern keeping the mushy factor to a (somewhat) minimum.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. February 3, 2010 12:44 pm

    Aww, the giddiness and the smiles and not needing to hide it must be so incredible!

  2. February 3, 2010 1:22 pm

    Yay! You deserve a good relationship like this! Every woman does!

  3. Elizabeth permalink
    February 3, 2010 2:45 pm

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Haley permalink
    February 3, 2010 8:16 pm

    yes! yes and yes!

    so happy for you:) … and slightly jealous… don’t judge me 🙂

  5. February 4, 2010 6:44 pm

    I am so happy you’ve found it again. Big smiley face!

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