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…Or so I thought.

November 10, 2009

I know. I said I was back. And then I promptly spent the next while not writing, aka not being back. But I wanted to be back–doesn’t that count for something? Things I want to write about kept popping into my head. But I didn’t know how to write about them because I didn’t know how to jump over the initial hurdle.

Which is the news that I am getting a divorce.

Okay. That wasn’t TOO hard.

I moved out a week ago Sunday into my very own apartment. My second very own apartment, except this time I needn’t feel guilty about buying things for it because this time I’m staying in it indefinitely and now my money is my own money and who cares if I want to buy a giant wooden S for my bedroom, anyway? (It’s hanging above my bed.)

It was my fourth time to move in less than one year. I would say I hope that I never have to move again, but, actually, I’ve grown to not mind it so much. I daresay I kind of like it, actually. The thrill of finding a new place that will be home. The comfort of making it my own. It’s nice, except that the places I keep choosing are rather old (this new place was built in 1930), and my childhood belief (fear) of ghosts always surfaces right around the time I switch off my bedside lamp and settle into bed. I swear to God I saw a man-sized shadow in the hallway the other night in a half-awake state. I sleep with my bedroom door shut now.

So. Yeah. That’s what’s going on. I want to document this time in my life. The things that are hard, and the things that are easy. The things that are probably normal, but, since I don’t know anyone else who’s been through a divorce except for my parents, I wouldn’t know are normal.

Today when I went home for lunch, I found the scrapbook I started when I was 10 and added to until I was nearly 14. I used to meticulously document my life, keeping things like the (unused) vomit bags from plane flights and balloons from birthday parties. But then I stopped. What happened to that girl? Did she stop being interested in herself? In her life?

Primarily, I want to document being in love with my life again. So I suppose this is the place to do it.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Michelle permalink
    November 10, 2009 3:53 pm

    Welcome back! Congratulations on the giant S, I think it’s a great way to acknowledge that the most important person in your life is YOU!

    Maybe that man-shaped shadow in the hall was your guardian angel, watching over you. Okay, that’s still creepy. 🙂

  2. November 10, 2009 3:53 pm

    I’m totally jealous of your giant S.

    Welcome back (again)!

  3. November 10, 2009 5:22 pm

    welcome back! congrats on the new apartment, your new S and everything else. you aren’t alone in your fear of ghosts…when i’m alone i sleep with a nightlight. and yes, i realize how ridiculous that sounds!

  4. Tressa permalink
    November 11, 2009 11:17 am

    Welcome back! I’m glad you are here again!
    Congratulations with moving on with your life!!
    I have been through a divorce (2) and you will be just fine.
    Thinking of you alot lately.

  5. November 11, 2009 1:15 pm

    Happy to see you. Looking forward to reading. I want my own monogram. That’s all 🙂

  6. November 11, 2009 7:40 pm

    I’ve missed you, I can admit it. (Is it weird to say this to someone you only know via the blogosphere?… Probably, but please don’t be weirded out by it, it’s not meant to be creepy…) ANYWHO, glad you’re back and I hope things are turning for you – already you seem happier, lighter, freer. Congrats. Also, read back in my blog, I went through a divorce a year ago and while I don’t believe there is really anything “normal” perhaps you’ll be at ease knowing everything you go through is okay.

    Be well and looking forward to reading this new chapter in your life!

  7. November 11, 2009 9:12 pm

    welcome back! and bring on the big S!

  8. Hannah permalink
    November 12, 2009 2:48 am

    Welcome back for real S!

  9. November 12, 2009 10:32 am

    I have a little M, but I don’t think it’s nearly as cool as a giant S. Welcome back!

  10. Julia permalink
    November 12, 2009 2:34 pm

    So glad you’ve updated us…just wanted to say that, though nobody wants to get a divorce, some people are so much better off for it. I haven’t regretted my choice for one moment in the last 2.5 years and I can now look back with the perspective that only time can give and say that I have learned more in the past couple of years than I had in my previous 27 years on this planet. 🙂 And now, I am truly, authentically, in love with my life.

  11. Ptolemy permalink
    November 14, 2009 10:26 pm

    In your case, I think it’s safe to say, thank goodness THAT’s done! A lot of people wanted whatever was right for you and sometimes that seemed like staying in your life, that you were choosing to make that your life and be happy about it, and quite a lot of the time, it just seemed like it would never happen and you were traveling down a very dark tunnel. I’m glad you’ve found a way into the sunshine, even though there will be sadness with it. So, now that you’ve chosen this path, PLEASE WRITE!

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